


My baby.

by BallumLover



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Addiction to sleeping pills, Child Neglect, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Jonno Highway (mentioned), Love, M/M, Memories, Past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:02:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BallumLover/pseuds/BallumLover
Summary: Callum’s mum comes back for him, but will he remember her?——So I wanted to write a fic of what I hope will happen if Callum eventually got his own storyline, I came up with a random last name for his mum, assuming she changed it, so Callum wouldn’t actually know who she is, he just thinks she’s a random customer in the funeral parlour.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter one

The alarm beeped, constantly, almost like a ringing in his ears, he reached an arm out lazily and switched it off, he would stretch the same arm, dead from Ben laying on it most of the night, talking of Ben, the younger man was buried deep in the duvet, his short brunette quiff poking out, Callum would smile, amused, laying back down and cuddling up to his lover, giving himself ten more minutes before getting ready for work. 

The ten minutes flew by, and before Callum knew it, he was in the shower, turning the temperature up all the way. He’d grab the cheap shampoo from minute mart and start massaging it into his hair, rinsing it out whilst humming to a song.  
He’d wrap a towel round his waist after getting out, his hair still dripping wet, product free, droplets of water splashing onto his chest. He made his way back to the bedroom, Ben now sat up and drinking water from the glass Callum got him in the middle of the night when he woke up with a dry throat. Ben would whistle when Callum in his towel came into his view, he would roll his eyes but couldn’t stop the blush that creeped up his neck, he still couldn’t believe Ben made him feel this way, butterflies in his stomach whenever he locked eyes with him across the square, he wouldn’t change it for the world.  
“Yew plannin’ on doing anything today, or you just gonna lay in bed?” Callum asked, in a playful tone.

“As tempting as that sounds, Jay needs help with the car lot, don’t want us going bust.”  
Callum would nod and give him a tight smile before slipping on his trousers and doing up his belt. He’d hear Ben let out a loud yawn and saw him stretch in the mirror before climbing out of bed, as he was slipping on his shirt Ben would come behind him and wrap his arms around his waist and press a kiss to his shoulder 

“Come back to bed, baby?” Ben would plead. 

“I wish I could, but the parlour is busy today, y’know with all this corona shit goin’ on” Callum would turn to face Ben, letting him do his tie, domestically.

“m’okay” Ben wouldn’t seem to satisfied but he’d concentrate on doing the tie perfect, after finishing his ‘masterpiece’ - as he likes to call it. He’d kiss Callum slowly, Callum suddenly melting into it, pressing hand hand against Ben’s face, but Ben would pull away too soon, leaving Callum almost Whining.

“Work, loverboy”

-

After dealing with two clients, Callum had a little bit of a lunch break, today had already been hectic and it hasn’t even gone past midday yet, Stuart was supposed to be coming later, so the afternoon should be much easier to handle.  
Ben would of texted him multiple time’s today, mainly telling him how much he missed him, but it was reassurance of how much they loved each-other, after Ben’s operation, things had started to go back to normal, yes Ben still kept in touch with Frankie, and Callum hopes that never changes, but he’s less reliant on people now, and much happier and stress free, and Callum loves that side of Ben, even more.  
Callum would finish eating his sandwich, he’d throw the remainder in the bin. He’d then complete some paper work before the latch goes on the door.  
A woman would be stood there, her hair a mousey colour, but slightly grey at the roots, she’d be quite tall, glasses upon her head and a lovely smile.  
Callum would smile back at her, and check the laptop for her name.

“You must be Mrs Tate.” Callum would speak formally.

“Yes I am, lovely to meet you dear” She’d shake his hand and wait for him to introduce himself.

“I’m Callum Highway, In assuming you want to arrange a funeral, am i right?”

“Yes, my husband, passed away, couple weeks ago, I would of came in sooner, but well..it was just a shock to us all”  
Callum would nod along,

“Sorry to hear that, so I’ll just take you through the basics, there will be some forms you will have to sign and fill out, but I won’t be here for much longer, my brother will be taking over soon” 

She would look like she’s just seen a ghost.

“Um..don’t worry, he doesn’t bite!” Calum would chuckle nervously, and relief would take over when she breaks out a peaceful smile. 

They would chat, whilst she filled out some forms, she’d seem relaxed but would let out a few tears now and again, so Callum would accommodate her with tissues, he discovered that she had two sons that she doesn’t see and that she used to live near Walford until she moved.  
Callum tried to avoid asking question, as he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but sometimes he had to do the client gets the best funeral for their loves ones as possible.

The clock had just striked two, when Stuart came in, he had learnt not to be so loud especially when they have grieving clients, so he’d come in with his suit on like any other day, but today, he was different, his face paled as he laid eyes on the woman, then he would look at Callum whose expression would be filled with confusion

“Stu?” 

Stuart would snap out of whatever trance he was in, anger filling his eyes, which were nearly bulging out of his head.

“Callum, you need to leave..” 

“What..-why?”

“Just go!” Stuart would exclaim, leaving Callum grabbing his blazer, and saying his farewells to Mrs Tate, almost after Stuart had literally shoved him out the parlour door. 

What just happened?, he kept asking himself.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two!

“Could she be one of Stuart’s exes?” 

Ben snapped him out of his thoughts, he was sat in the cafe, having explained everything to Ben not long ago, his coffee would be stone cold by now, he’d clear his throat before speaking. 

“I almost knew everyone of them, unless there were some he didn’t bother telling me ‘bout..” Callum would reminisce on the times his brother would come home and tell him he had a new bird, “But I’m his brother, he should tell me everything!”

Ben would sigh, shaking his head, this sweet man, his Callum, has the biggest heart and the most innocent mind, as if he’s almost blind to this world, he’d reach and take one of Callum’s hands, squeezing it lightly,

“Not everybody tells the truth, babe, people just like to keep themselves to themselves y’know” Ben would shrug and Callum nodded.

“You’re right, I need to talk to him, find out what’s goin’ on..” 

“Okay” Ben would squeeze his hand again, before finishing off his coffee, throwing the recyclable cups away in the bin.  
“Look, why don’t you talk to him whilst I go to see Lex whilst jay and Lo are out for the night, gives you guys the chance to speak in private, and you can come round after, yeah?” Ben suggested.

“You’re the best” Callum would kiss his cheek.

They would walk through the square, hand in hand.

“I know” 

-

For the rest of the afternoon, Him and Ben would of been cuddled on the sofa, a blanket wrapped round themselves whilst watching the Lion king, they both love the film, Ben thinks of himself as the evil brother, Scar, but Callum sees Ben as Simba, as to him he’s cute and lovable.  
But the movie didn’t last long, as just under halfway through, Callum was on his knees giving Ben a blowjob - the best one yet according to the younger man.  
After Ben came down from his high, they went back to cuddling.  
Time flew by after then, and they had started watching the first episodes of inbetweeners, but Callum realises that Stuart would be home soon, and they really needed to talk, so Callum insisted he would walk Ben back to the Mitchell residence, it wasn’t dark just yet, the sky was still blue but it was darkening. When they reached the black wooden gate, Ben would press his lips to Callum’s softly, before resting their foreheads together.

“Come over once you’ve finished talking, yeah?”

“Yeah, course” they would share one last kiss, before Callum turns away and Ben heads inside to see his little girl. 

He would see Mrs Tate looking round, seeming to be lost in the world, he’d smile to himself and stride over to her.

“Hey, you alright Mrs Tate?”

“Oh, please! Call me Eleanor, and I was just wondering where’s the nearest bus stati-..” 

He’d hear heavy footsteps running towards them, as Stuart pulls Callum away from her.

“Callum, don’t listen to her! Whatever she says, it ain’t true alright! Just, don’t talk to this woman, you ‘ear me?” Stuart exclaims demandingly. 

“But Stu..”

“I mean it, I don’t care if she’s a client..you ain’t to even look in her direction, please Cal!” 

He’d give the woman the look of ‘how embarrassing’ and a tight smile, she wouldn’t smile back, she would look more hurt and upset, she would then just turn around and stride off. 

“You have some explaining to do!” He’d grumble in Stuart’s face, before marching back up to the flat, his brother following close behind. 

-

“I just don’t understand you!” Callum would slam his keys onto the counter, gripping it until his knuckles go white trying to contain his anger, “Just tell me who she is!”

“I can’t do that!” Stuart desperately pleaded for Callum to let it drop. 

“Why?! Do you think I would be bothered if she’s just an old fling of yours” Stuart would try and hold back a cringe at that statement, “Just tell me why I can’t speak to her, I’m helping her arrange a funeral for fuck sake!”

Stuart would collapse into the sofa, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands, 

“If I tell you the truth, it will change your life, forever, and you deserve to be happy. If I tell you this now, it could destroy that happiness..” 

“Stu..” He would sit down next to his brother and place a hand on his shoulder, “whatever it is, we can get through this together, we’re brothers remember, and ain't nothing gonna change that” Callum would look at him, worry filling his eyes. 

“Okay..” he’d let out a shaky breath, “okay” 

“That woman, Eleanor Tate...”

Callum would wait with baited breath, his hands sweating all of a sudden. 

“She’s our Mum.”


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this earlier than I expected to! So here you go! :)

“Your mum..” Ben would echo, he couldn’t believe it, all this time Callum hadn’t mentioned who his mum was, and here she was 24 years later, turning up out of the blue. 

“Yeah, apparently she weren’t allowed to see us, but Stuart reckons that’s all bullshit..” He would keep his voice to minimum volume as Lexi was in the room, but loud enough so the other man could hear him. 

“Daddy, what are you and Callum talking about?” Ben would chuckle.

“Oi madam, what did your mum tell you about list-..” 

“Yeah yeah, stop listening into to adult conversations, I know” she’d huff and roll her eyes, before dipping her paintbrush into the murky paint water, and dipping the brush into a light blue paints before painting the sky. 

“Sorry, she can be right nosey sometimes.” Ben would smirk but shake his head.

“Don’t apologise” He can’t blame Lexi she’s only a kid, but he’d carry on, “I just don’t understand why she only wants to see us now, she’s had plenty of chances” 

“Well, maybe now she knows that control freak is out of the pictur-“ Callum knows Ben is referring to his dad, but he talks over him anyway.

“Yeah but, she could of Atleast called or even texted..” Callum wasn’t taking hardly any excuse of hers.

“That’s why you should talk to her..” Ben knew what he was doing, after all, almost the same thing happened to him, years ago.

“I can’t, Stuart’s practically scared her away, and he certainly won’t let me back into the funeral parlour until he knows she’s gone..” Callum fidgeted with his hands, knowing all his brother wants to do is protect him, but he’s not a kid anymore.

“We’ll go and find her, you have her address right?” He would nod.. “You won’t get the answers you need unless you talk to her, and it gives her a proper chance to explain everything to you..” 

Callum was unsure about it all, but Ben carried on, “And I’ll be there if you want me to be, or I could sit in the car, whatever you need”  
Callum would kiss him,

“What would I do without you eh?” 

“Don’t know babe, everyone would be lost without me” there would be a grin on both of their faces.

Lexi would be painting the sun in the corner of the page, her tongue would be poking out in concentration, as she tried not to mix the blue paint from the sky, with the yellow paint and also not to get any paint on the table. Once she had finished she showed both Ben and Callum.

“Wow, that’s amazing Lex!” Callum praised.

“That’s brilliant princess, go and place it on the radiator to dry yeah?” She’d nod and place her masterpiece on the top of the radiator, before taking her dirty paint brushes and paints to wash in the sink.

“She’s a good kid.” Callum would state, and they would both know that it’s true.

“Yeah, she is” Ben would breathe, “Even if she is very nosey” 

“And she doesn’t get that from you, No?” Callum would poke him gently in the side.

“ Have you met Lola?” They would both be giggling when Lexi skips back in, she’d stand infront of Ben.

“Can we watch Aladdin now, dad?” She’d give him puppy dog eyes, he would roll his, he could never say no to his little girl.

“Okay then, run and get the disc from upstairs darlin”

She would sprint upstairs, and Ben would stand up groaning as his legs ached from being sat down for too long, he’d turn the DVD player on and switch the channels on the TV.  
Lexi would hand him The disc which he’d insert.  
They would all be settled on the sofa Lexi in the middle of the both of them, But somehow Callum still found his arm wrapped around Ben.

-

It was 5 am, Callum wouldn’t of slept all night, He expected it, they didn’t go to bed too late, because Lexi fell asleep halfway through Aladdin - that’s why it felt like he’d been awake for a lifetime, so Callum carried her to her bed and tucked her in, he then went downstairs and got two beers for himself and Ben, he tried to avoid the topic of Callums mum, but it was still played on his mind the whole night, even to this moment.  
He looked at the sleeping man next to him, Ben looked peaceful as if he was dead to the work, Callum would reach of and stroke his cheek softly, carefully not to wake him. He’d slip out of Bed and make his way downstairs, careful not to wake anyone in the house.  
Luckily Jay and Lola stayed in a hotel last night, as they FaceTimed them, so he didn’t need to worry too much as both Ben and Lexi were both very deep sleepers.  
He’d grab himself a glass and fill it up with water, he’d take two painkillers for his head, the packet of  
Sleeping pills would catch his attention, he’d pick them up but immediately put them back, not wanting to repeat taking them again, so he’d put the medication box back in the cupboard.  
He’d hear someone plod down the stairs, but he’d carry on staring out of the window.

“What you doing up this early..?” Ben would whisper, trying not to scare him.

“I was thirsty..” Ben slipped his arms around his waist and hugged him from behind, reaching up to place a kiss to his neck softly.

“Come back to bed Babe?” Callum would nod, taking Ben’s hand and letting him lead them both back to their bedroom.  
They’d settle back in bed, both their limbs entangled with each other’s. 

-

It was now 8 o’clock, Callum and Lexi were sat around the table, Callum was looking through his phone, whilst Lexi was eating her cornflakes, Lola has warned her about talking with her mouthful, but Ben didn’t say anything to her about it, as he knew he was guilty of it himself. 

“Are you sad Callum?” Lexi would of pulled Callum out of his daze, and it unglued his eyes from his phone screen to look up at her,

“No Lex, just got stuff on my mind..” 

“About your mum..?” Callum would freeze up, but then remembered she’s only a kid, she wouldn’t understand.

“Lexi! What have I told you about adult conversations!” Ben would scold.

“No Ben, it’s okay, Yeah Lexi, it’s about my mum..” He admitted.

“Do you miss her?” She’d question, her eyes reading Callum’s expression.

“..Yeah, I guess?” He did, Eventhough he hadn’t seen her since he was five.

“Go and see her then!” 

“Problem solved!” Ben announced, “Right misus, Go and get your school shoes on.” She’d finish your her cereal and goes to the living room. 

“She put it better than you Ben.” Callum would tease, Ben would laugh sarcastically and slap his shoulder playfullly.

“Oh shut up.” He’d smirk, “We’ll drop Lex off at school, the we’ll go for a drive around yeah?” Callum would stand up and hug him tightly, resting his head on Ben’s shoulder, almost burying into his neck. 

“We’ll get through this, together” Ben promised, rubbing the man’s back soothingly.

-

They had been driving around London for about 2 hours, getting lost multiple times, and Ben almost crashing into the back of another car. Callum wouldn’t of stopped laughing since, Ben getting so frustrated whilst driving, his reactions would be hilarious.  
Once they got the satnav set up, and typed the address in - which Callum found in his emails, Ben would turned the radio on, singing loudly to a song from the 90’s, Callum would just giggle at him, recording him and sending it to both Jay and Lola.  
But the mood wouldn’t last long, as they got closer to their destination Callum started to panic and stress, paranoia taking over. But he knew he needed to do this, even if Stuart would be angry at him, he needed these answers.

They would shortly park up outside a little bungalow, the street would be pleasant, nothing like the estate he grew up in, he would be worried that she wouldn’t be in as there was no car parked outside, but he might aswell knock.  
Ben would of suggested himself staying in the car for the moment, so Callum and his mum could have a proper chat, and she might want to speak to her youngest son in private. Ben would squeeze his hand before he got out of the car, letting him know how brave he was for doing this, Callum would breathe before getting out.  
He would walk up the little path to the front door, and knock twice. A dog would bark and a woman’s voice could be heard, he recognised it from the other day, the door would open slightly, so the dog wouldn’t run out and the woman would poke her head slightly out, to see who it is, when she saw it was Callum she opened it more. 

She’d smile at him.

“Hello Callum..”

“Hi Mum..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I left it there, please don’t hate me 😖 
> 
> Edit: Sorry this chapter is a bit rushed, I wrote it in so much detail, and I forgot to save it like a plonker so I had to rewrite it! Hope this is okay! <3


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 4!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me go, 2 chapters in a day! :)

Eleanor passed him a glass of water, he thanked her, and she sat down beside him.  
She would try to take his hands but he’d shove them away.

“Why did you walk out? On us? On me!” He’d go head on straight away, wanting to get answers quickly so he could plan what to do next.

“You know why...your father..-“ She started, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“Stop! stop using him as an excuse! You left me with him! Y-you left a five year old with a vile, controlling, abusive alcoholic!” He’d try not to break. “So in my eyes, you’re just as bad as him!”

There would be a silence, the only noise would be the ticking of the clock and the dogs feet pattering across the kitchen floor. He would take a swig from his water, letting the cool liquid soothe his throat from the shouting he wasn’t used to. 

“I don’t know why..” she would whisper, but Callum would be listening carefully, “You know what your father is like” Callum would huff again, but she’d carry on, “He wouldn’t let me take you, because Stuart wouldn’t be home and he would be left with no one to tease or torment” 

“So you let him do that to me eh?!” He’d snap, losing his cool, “What happened to us being a team? What happened to you and me forever?” He would have tears in his eyes. She would try and touch his arm, an attempt to calm him down but he’d shrug her off harshly. He would be stood up, almost pacing the room. “Let’s just face it, you left to start a new life, have a new family, to forget all the pain and upset you caused me, I was the one who grew up without a mum, me!” The tears would spill now, he’d have no energy to hold them back, his emotions was something he could never control - unlike Ben. “I’m sorry!” She pleaded, loud enough to shut Callum up. “I am so sorry, I’m not asking for forgiveness, I..I just want my little boy to know that I’m here..an-and I know I haven’t been, but I am now..” Tears would be streaming down her cheeks now too. “I’m not a child anymore” Callum would whisper. She would sigh, and look down at her hands, which were slightly wrinkly as she aged, she had a beautiful golden ring on her finger, that hadn’t lost its shine, Callum would notice it “Did you start a new family..?” He’d ask, motioning to her ring finger, his tone softened. “No, Melvin my husband, was the only man who let me be me, didn’t control anything I did, someone to keep me company..” She’d twist the ring around her finger, “I didn’t have anymore kids, I couldn’t I was to old” She’d laugh the wrinkles by her eyes appearing, Callum would smile a little, “and nobody, could ever replace you, I could never love anybody as much as I did you.”

He would of relaxed a little, he’d let her hold his hands, but he wouldn’t really hold them back, not feeling ready to show affection yet. 

He’d sit down beside her,  
“Tell me what you’re feeling..?” She’d sound like a counsellor.

“Confusion, mainly..” 

“Confused, why are you confused, talk to me..” Her voice would be so soft and soothing, Callum has missed her so much, even if he hadn’t seen her for twenty odd years. 

“Why now..? Dad has been out of the picture for a while now, almost a year..” 

“I didn’t want you to hate me, as much as you already do..” She’d admit.

“I don’t hate you.” Callum could never hate anyone, he was just one of them people, full of many chances, he didn’t care about people’s backgrounds, because he came from a rough one himself.

“Stuart on the other hand..” He’d carry on.

She’d let out a laugh, “he’s always been stubborn

I understand why though, He doesn’t want me ruining your life..”

“Is that what he said in the funeral parlour..?” Callum asked curiously.

“Yes, and that your the happiest he's ever seen you, is that true..?” 

“Yeah, I am, really happy..”

Silence.

“If I asked to be a part of your life again, what would you say..?” She would whisper.

Callum would shrug, “I would have to take some time to think things through y’know..”  
she’d nod understandingly.

“I missed you so much.” She would assure him, he would believe it to a certain extent. 

“I-I missed you too..”  
she would smile widely at him, knowing they have a long way to go yet, and she has a lot of amending to do, but she couldn’t be happier.

“Did you get married? To that girl..Whitney was it?” 

He would shake his head, and look down, she can tell he’s hiding something. 

“Hey, what is it..?” Eleanor would squeeze his hands. 

He would look at her with teary eyes, not knowing how she will react,

“I’m gay mum..” 

She wouldn’t seem too shocked, she would just smile and nod.

“Did Stuart not tell you?” He would seem surprised because his brother would shout it to the world if he wanted to.

She would shake her head, “it’s your business isn’t it, who cares what anybody else thinks, I’m proud of you, no matter what your sexuality is, you’re still my little boy”  
She would kiss his nose, something she would always do when he was younger, he would smile a little at her.

“Dad didn’t take it too well..” Eleanor would roll her eyes, Callum could almost see the hatred for that man in her head.

“That man is dead to me, nobody hurts my boy” 

-

They would chat for a bit more, mainly about what they were both getting up to.  
Ben would of texted Callum telling him that he had gone to a shop round the corner as they were running low on food, and he also needed a card for Lexi’s birthday which is coming up soon.  
He wouldn’t of got the message until an hour after Ben sent it he would just reply with a simple ‘ok x’ before sliding his phone back into his pocket.  
He told Eleanor about Ben, and she said she would love to meet him, but Callum thought today wasn’t the right time as he needed to think about this, as it could change his life, majorly.  
But he promised her she could sometime soon.  
She would be in the attic, looking for something, whilst Callum noticed her room down the hallway, he hated being nosey, but he looked inside , there were letters and papers scattered everywhere, most of them had his name or Stuart’s on and lots of telephone numbers, there were also baby photos..  
A pang of guilt settled deep in his stomach, she had been looking for him. 

“Sorry about the mess..I-“ 

He would turn around and practically fling himself into her arms, he would cry into her neck, she swore she heard him say ‘mummy’ lots of times.

“Oh, my baby” she sobbed rubbing his back.

He had been waiting for this moment, his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of broke my promise, would you say this is a cliffhanger ??? 😂🙊
> 
> Edit: I don’t know what happened in the middle of the chapter, all the writing clumped together, I just couldn’t sort it out, Any way I could prevent this from happening again? Xo


	5. Chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of angst between Callum and Ben..but they make up and have a heartfelt conversation <3  
> Callum tells Ben what happened when he was a kid. 
> 
> TW: mentions of child abuse, and neglect.

He would stare out of the car window, almost all of the drive home. He didn’t know what he felt, Happiness? Hope? Love? Guilt for going behind Stuart’s back?  
He had gave Eleanor his phone number, just so she could check up on him - for now, until he was done thinking about what he was gonna do next.  
He had broke down in her arms, when he found evidence of her searching for him, he was just so overwhelmed and confused of how long she had been doing it for, it could of been a couple of weeks, months, years. He felt embarrassed once he had calmed down, he doesn’t want his mother thinking he’s a coward - like his father does.  
But she didn’t, she couldn’t, and he could sense that, the way she rubbed his back, stroked his hair and whispered “let it all out” into his ear. He had missed her.  
He told Ben the outline of what happened, not going into much detail at all, not wanting to add more baggage to Ben’s life, he would tell him if he asked, but the younger man didn’t want to pressure him into to talking about something so personal, so he left it.

Callum felt Ben’s hand come and rest on his knee, his hand open wanting Callum to hold it, he would, their fingers intertwining into one another’s perfectly almost like a jigsaw. 

“You’re so brave..I’m proud of you.” Ben would smile and squeeze his hand, but Callum would give him a confused look.

“Why?” He’d ask, “It’s not like I saved someone from a burning building” 

“I know that, but it takes balls, to face your mum after not seeing her for years” Ben would think back to when Kathy returned to the square, and how scared he was, Callum would just nod.

“I bet she was-..” Ben would try and carry on but Callum would snap at him.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He’d snatch his hand away, to wipe a tear he tried to hold in - which failed miserably, if Ben asked he would just blame it on his hay fever.  
Ben would sigh and concentrate on the road, not far away from Walford now. 

Fifteen minutes later, they would be parked up outside Ben’s house, Callum would closely follow Ben grabbing his hand carefully so he wouldn’t go inside, he would pull him closer and lean their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry..” he would whisper against Ben’s lips before pecking them, “I didn’t mean to be cold..”

“I know baby, I just hate seeing’ ya upset” Ben would rub their noses together lovingly, before leaning in for another kiss. 

It would be a very intense and emotional kiss, Callum trying to push all of his insecurities down, whilst kissing Ben. Ben would grab at the lapels of Callum jacket and push him inside and pushes him against the kitchen counter. He would be able to taste the salty tears that roll down Callum’s cheeks, but he wouldn’t stop, because he knew Callum needed this.  
Whenever either of them were upset of angry they would end up having sex either way. He needed to know how much Ben loved him.  
Callum would pull away slightly, their mouths still a hairs length away from each other’s, before Callum breathed. 

“I need you..” 

“You’ve got me..” Ben would reassure before leading him up to his bedroom. 

-

They would be laid in bed after, Callum dozing on Ben’s chest whilst the younger man’s fingers are in Callum’s hair, twirling a curl around his finger, his nails lightly scratching at his scalp because he knew it calmed him down, but he was extra careful not to disturb him. 

“Ben..?” Callum would stir sleepily. 

“Yeh babe?” 

Callum would lift his head to look up at him, “Im ready to talk about what happened..”

“You sure? Because if you’re not..”

“I am..” Callum would assure with a squeeze of Ben’s hand.  
He would let out a long breath before starting. 

“She always used to tell me that we would run away together, y’know just me and her, she would lay with me, in my bed, stroke my hair and promise me things, that she couldn’t keep..”  
He would sniff, and carry on,

“I mean, I was only five, so I really don’t know how I remember...probably ‘cos she did it so often..”  
Ben would continue playing with the older man’s hair.  
“Her and Stuart used to protect me, from my dads a anti-social and violent behaviour, sometimes I would get locked in my room for hours until he had finally calmed down and passed out onto the sofa..”

“Obviously, that was until she left..don’t get ma wrong, whenever they had an argument, she’d always used to disappear throughout the night usually, go ‘n stop with a mate of hers usually, then come back couple days later at the max...but there was shouting, glasses being thrown, plates, lots..that night I sat in the corner of my room, hands over my ears crying silently, just wanting it stop, to go away.” 

The tears would fall, and Callum would let them, Ben just keeping silent until the man was finished telling his tragedy of a story.

“After everything settled down, she came into my room, I would be staring at the ceiling, she would lay next to me, like she did every night, press a kiss to my head, but she didn’t say anything about runnin’ away together y’know, I just thought...maybe she forgot, I didn’t really notice them things, I was only a kid..she left that night, ‘alf of her clothes gone from her wardrobe..I convinced myself she’d come back...sh..she never did..”

Callum would sit up, almost in hysterics, wiping at his eyes furiously. 

“What ‘bout your dad...sorry, you don’t need ta tell me ‘bout him..”

Callum would shake his head, “No, ‘tis fine, first few weeks it was alright, I stayed outta his way, lock myself away, where ‘e couldn’t find ma..and Stu was there, but when he wasn’t...he just used to torment and tease me to start with...I could take that, call me names I have never even ‘eard of before.” 

He would let a breath out again,

“It all started when I was around seven years old, the violence, the slaps across the backs with his belts..”  
Callum remembering the pain rushing through his body, like an electric shock

“I never told Stuart, he would end up killin him, I wish I did now” Callum would seethe, “I didn’t mention to Eleanor either, it would make her hate herself even more..for leaving...weren’t anything major, not really..”

“Callum you were seven, you were neglected and abused, course it something!” Ben hated when Callum said stuff like that, doubting himself all the time.  
Callum would shrug.

“Was that it?” Ben asked after a couple minutes of silence. 

He’d nod, “the worse he did, was break my arm..when I was twelve, but that’s when I met the Carters..”

“Me and Lee became friends almost the first week into secondary school, we played footie until dark” he’d reminisce on the good times of his teenage hood, “when I met his mum and dad, they thought I was a nightmare, a nightmare with a heart of gold, Linda always used to say, and when they started to notice bruises and black eyes, they let me stay round for dinner a couple times a week, to get me away from dad for a few hours..”

Callum would shift closer to Ben, seeking comfort that Ben always gave him, just by presence.

“The routine carried on until I was sixteen, when I finished secondary school, with two GCSES” Ben would chuckle and apologise, but Callum would giggle too, “I applied for the army, which I got accepted into, and that’s when my life started, didn’t hear from my dad until I returned to Walford..”

They would lay there for a few minutes, Ben taking everything that Callum had just said, he couldn’t believe that, that broot of a man, hurt and brought all this filth into his Callum’s life, it made him feel sick.

“I’m so so proud of you” Ben would smile down at him. “You didn’t have to tell me all of that.”

“I did, I needed to get it off ma chest..” Callum would think before saying something, “Ben..do y’think I should let my mum back into my life..?” 

“Honestly, it’s up to you darlin, but personally, from my experience, giving another chance in these circumstances are important y’know, nothing like a mother and son bond, I mean look at me and my mum, bet ya can’t believe we were separated for almost ten years..” he’d chuckle. 

Callum would nod, “What about Stuart?”

“Don’t worry about him, do what’s best for you, and what ya heart is telling you” Ben would point to Callum’s heart through his chest. 

“I might text her to see if she wants to meet up for a coffee and another chat..” Callum would smile at Ben and stroke his cheek and Ben would lean into it, “you should be a counsellor.”  
Ben would chuckle, “Too impatient for that bullshit” they would giggle. 

“Thankyou Ben.” 

He would slide his phone out of his pocket and switched it on, turning it off almost all day, he would of had 11 texts from Stuart and 23 missed calls, plus an incoming one that second. He would pick up.

“Stu, you alright?” his eyebrow would arch in concern.

“Where the fuck have you been?!”


	6. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum & Stuart’s argument.  
> I found it hard to add ballum bits, but there’s some fluff at the end, I promise!
> 
> TW: Homophobic language, child abuse mentions, some violence and blood.
> 
> Read with care lovelies <3

“I already told yew, I ain’t been anywhere!” Callum practically yelled, as he opened the flat door Stuart striding close behind. 

“Really? So how come Jay saw you and Ben both get into a car and disappear for hours eh?!” Stuart would rage, “do you think I’m stupid Callum?”

“No of course not Stu...I..” Callum would press his lips together not knowing how to lie, because as everybody knew he was an awful liar, even if he matured over the years.

“Don’t even think about lying to me!” Stuart would cut in, Callum would collapse dramatically into the sofa, leaning his head back and burying his face int his sweaty palms. 

“You’ve been to see her ain’t ya?” He said after minutes of silence.

“No! I ain’t..we-..” he tried to protest, knowing that Stuart could read him like a book, he wasn’t dumb when it came to his little brother. 

“You what? Logged into the Parlours email account to track down her address?!” 

Callum would be shocked - understatement of the year, his brother is very smart, he could never out smart him, no where to run now.

“Fine, Fine” Callum rubbed the sweat off his face, “Yes I went to see her” Stuart shook his head in disbelief, “I just wanted answers Stu, I swear!” Callum looked like a puppy who had been kicked, not wanting his brother to be angry with him. Stuart would come towards him, and tower over him. 

“You went to see that woman” he would speak with disgust in his voice, “Who neglected you for all them years, just for answers!” His voice would be raised by now, Stuart would grab him by the shoulders and shake him, “There is no answers Callum, she left you because she didn’t want you! Yeah, it hurts but that’s the truth innit, I ain’t gunna lie to ya!”

Stuart would let go of him, making him fall back onto the sofa, he can’t blame his brother for being rough sometimes, it was just the way he was raised, something he inherited from his dad. But he’d continue otherwise.

“I wouldn’t lie to ya, like you did to me!” He’d grip the counter hard, “You lied to my face, my stupid little brother lied to me because he can’t handle rejection!” He’d practically scream, Callum would hide his tears from him. There would be a long silence after that. 

“She wants to be back in my life..” Callum would whisper, loud enough so Stuart could hear hum, but Stuart would only turn around so quickly his neck almost cracked. 

“And let me guess, you’ll just go skipping straight back into her arms!” He couldn’t lie to his older brother.

“Yeah, she’s my mum” Stuart honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing, almost losing his rag completely. 

“You’re joking ain’t ya” he’d laugh almost as if it’s a joke, “Callum you’re 29! You ain’t 5 anymore, or do you need mummy to tie your shoelaces for you?!” He’d mock him. And it would be Callum’s turn to get angry.

“Maybe, I just want a parent who accepts me! Treats me like I actually mean something“ 

“Well you didn’t mean anything to her when she left you” Stuart would just think he’s pointing out facts, not understanding emotions properly.

“This is my decision Stu, I get to pick who I want in my life not you!” He’d stand up, defending himself, knowing how proud Ben would be. 

“What’s wrong with me..?” Stuart would play the vulnerable act, “Am I not good enough for you eh?! Do I not meet your standards, is their even standards for you gays?!” Stuart wish he could curl up and die once that came out of his mouth, and Callum would pale. 

“You sound like dad!” He’d gasp, Callum trying to leave the flat, Stuart running to catch him, wanting to apologise, pulling forcefully on his arm trying to get him to stay, “Oh this is how it’s gunna go is it?” Callum would laugh, “Go on, push me down the stairs, just like our old man did when I was twelve, broke ma arm, you might aswell make him proud now, go on, you don’t want a fag like me in your life!” 

Stuart would step back, shocked at his words.

“Dad broke your arm..?” Callum would look down and nod, “I’m gunna kill him” 

“No you ain’t, it was sixteen years ago” Callum would huff, “you see, this is why I want mum back..she’s been looking for us Stu..” 

“What, for three days” he’d spit sarcastically, “I don’t care, you are not seeing that woman, I mean it.”

“You can’t stop me, like you said I ain’t a kid anymore.” 

“I don’t care what I said” Stuart would grab a plate “Your. Never. To. See. Her. Again.” He’d punch the counter top at every word, making his knuckles ache.

“Why?” He avoided asking questions, because he knows how wound up his brother gets.

“I just don’t!” 

“Please stu..it could be a fresh star-..” Callum started.

Eveything flashed before his eyes, as Stuart launched a plate at the wall, skimming Callum’s face almost knocking him the floor, slicing his cheek open. Then there was the shattering noise as the plate fell to the floor, all the sharp white pieces scattered everywhere, Callum would reach up to his cheek and scarlet, red blood would stain his fingers, he would look up at his brother whose was pale as a sheet with guilt, he would rush over to Callum apologising and sobbing, promising It was just an accident, but before he knew it, Callum grabbed his keys and left the flat, slamming the door.

-

He was in Ben’s kitchen, sat at a chair with a glass of water, Ben cleaning the wound with an antiseptic wipe, he just hoped Ben wouldn’t hate Stuart after this, because deep down Callum knew it was an accident. 

“Lucky you don’t need stitches, mister” Ben would say once he’s finished as he threw the bloody wipe away.  
He would stroke the side of Callum’s unharmed face. 

“You okay baby?” Callum would respond with a nod,  
“Talk to me..”

Callum didn’t want to be distant not today, so he opened up, “He didn’t mean to..I promise, he just got angry.,and y’know..but maybe he’s right...maybe I shouldn’t let her back into my life” Ben would place his thumb under Callum’s chin so he’d look him in the eyes.

“Don’t let him make your decisions for ya. This is entirely your choice, do you want to see her again?” Callum would be hesitant but nod, “then you just need to tell him that, straight on” 

“I tried Ben, he weren’t having any of it..” Ben would take Callum’s hands in his,

“Then we’ll do it together, your problems are mine remember..” Callum would smile.

“I love you.” The older man would admit, because it’s true, he loves him more than anything

\- 

They were cuddled up in bed, it was half one in the morning, and again, Callum couldn’t sleep, to many things on his mind, but however Ben was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.  
They had been chilling with Lexi for most of the afternoon, watching Hannah Montana on repeat, Lexi knew all the songs and dances and performed them infront of the both, and they had to judge - obviously they both gave her tens.  
Callum would smile, he had the best night in a while with his loved ones, he managed to almost forget what happened with Stuart earlier that day, but now it’s came back to haunt him..  
He checked the time it’s was 1:37am, he groaned, then he checked his messages and emails, he just had some fake advertising in his inbox but he had 6 unread messages from Stuart.

‘Are you okay ? x’

‘Cal just text me please’

‘I’m worried’

‘I’m sorry’ 

‘Please text me back when you get this x’ 

‘Where r u?’ 

And a new message came through, it lit up his screen.

‘Please can we talk?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I made Stuart a bit more violent than in the show, but he didn’t mean to hurt Callum, but let’s roll with it Yeah?  
> Also to me Stuart seems bipolar as his moods change really fast and randomly.
> 
> Edit: Sorry, this is really bad, it’s 11:50 at night and I’m so tired, Hope this is good enough xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading, please feel free to leave your opinions and comment more ideas of what I could right in the future, kudos would also be appreciated <3
> 
> Edit: Sorry the chapters aren’t long, wanted to do it in short segments ahah!


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